


He Never Wanted a Party

by Incy Little Spider (1ncylilspider)



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Bisexual Sokka (Avatar), Fluff, Gay Zuko (Avatar), Jealousy, M/M, Other relationships mentioned - Freeform, Polyamorous Character, Polyamory, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Wet Dream, mai and zuko break up but it's friendly, mainly sukka
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:54:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24677251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1ncylilspider/pseuds/Incy%20Little%20Spider
Summary: It's Zuko's twenty-first birthday. He didn't want a party. But here he is. Watching Sokka and Suki. Trying not to be enveloped with jealousy. He'd harbored this crush on Sokka for years now. He doesn't want to ruin his friendship with his friend. But he just couldn't stand these feelings.
Relationships: Aang/Katara (Avatar), Mai/Ty Lee (Avatar), Sokka/Suki (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), Suki/Kyoshi Warriors, Suki/Ty Lee (Avatar)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 212





	He Never Wanted a Party

The Entertainment Hall in the palace was full of chattering people enjoying the party. Zuko still found it a bit disconcerting having his birthday celebrated. It just wasn’t done growing up, not even for his father or Azula. Birthday parties were deemed childish time-wasting events. You only celebrated when you had succeeded in a war effort. When the war ended, Uncle Iroh insisted there be more parties and celebrations for every little thing. The Fire Nation happily accepted this new order.

The hall was a swirl of greens, blues and reds of the three nations. A long table strained under the weight of dishes and drinks from around the world. They’d done their research and even Air Nomad dishes were represented. Aang was absolutely delighted, nearly clearing out the display of fruit pies all on his own. He shared them with everyone in sight, excitedly telling the story of how he and Monk Gyatsu would dump them on the heads of the other monks. Toph responded to this by immediately dumping a fruit pie on Aang’s head.

“Feel nostalgic?” she said with a grin as Aang laughed.

Katara told him the sea-prune stew was a ‘good attempt but nothing beats the real thing.” Zuko knew she was just playing tough by the smile in her eyes.

Looking around he caught eyes with Sokka who waved, walking over to him. Sokka wasn’t such a gangling goofball anymore. He was starting to look like his father, lean muscle and slight beard. His eyes still danced with mischief though.

He’d been harboring an intense crush on the other man for years now. It hadn’t happened straight away, he hadn’t joined the Gang and fallen in love right there. The Boiling Rock and Sozin’s comet had created in him a strong sense of admiration and respect for Sokka. Those strong feelings deepened into something more during the first few years after the war.

When Zuko had first gotten to know him, Sokka was very self-doubting, feeling inadequate against the other skillful benders in the group and raw from the loss at the Black Sun. That soon changed. His destruction of the Fire Nation Warships was hailed around the world. Being praised for pulling off such a feat without any bending boosted Sokka’s self-worth right up. He wasn’t arrogant or cocky, but he no longer thought himself as no good compared to his friends and family like he had before. Nowadays he held himself with a sense of great confidence.

And it was incredibly sexy.

“Twenty-one!” said Sokka, walking over with his third plate stacked high with food. “You’re basically ancient!”

“You’re only a year younger,” he said with a slight smile. He watched as Sokka dived into his food with great enthusiasm.

“I can’t believe you lot got giant sea crab, I’ve only had it once when I was a kid,” he said as he sucked on a crab leg. His plate was laden with meat from Fire Nation komodo sausages, Water Tribe sea crab and Earth Kingdom roasted duck.

“Any vegetables there at all?” Zuko asked.

“Don’t make me lose my appetite,” said Sokka, twisting his face up in exaggerated disgust.

“I think that’s an impossible task,” said Zuko.

“Hey you found the Avatar that’d been missing a hundred years, if anyone can achieve the impossible it’s you,” said Sokka. There was a burst of laughter from the other side of the room. Ty Lee had said something that had driven Suki into a fit of hysterics as Mai stood by with the smallest of smiles.

“How dare someone usurp my role as party comedian?” Sokka exclaimed. “I’m off Zuko, I must challenge this competitor at once.”

Zuko forced out a laugh as he watched the man wander over to Suki. His mood had soured. He hadn’t wanted a party to begin with. Wordlessly, he slipped out of the hall. Maybe he could escape to his room.

He wasn’t comfortable at social events. He always felt like he was being judged. Perhaps people thought he’d never be able to be a good leader that he’d never be able to pay for the Fire Nation’s crimes. Perhaps they pitied the poor prince who’d been abused by his father. Or they expected him to say something witty and charming. He couldn’t make jokes or entertain people, not like Sokka or Aang. He was just stiff and awkward.

He quietly went into his dark bedroom, climbing out of his robes and pulling the headpiece from his hair. It was long enough to brush his shoulders now. He flopped to his bed in exhaustion. Too much heavy food had made him sleepy. Also being Fire Lord, he didn’t have much time off. He’d rather have celebrated his birthday by having a nap.

He didn’t explode with anger anymore. He was more likely to put his pillow over his head at night and cry soundlessly. It felt better then anger. When he used to explode with rage, he’d feel guilty and fearful afterwards that he was becoming his father. Crying was better. It felt like a complete release. Still he had to do it in privacy. The thought of anyone catching him crying was terrifying. He was a leader. A man. If they caught him crying, they’d doubt his leadership, his masculinity. In their eyes he’d become a little boy incapable of any kind of authority at all.

Immediately after the war, Sokka and Suki had run into relationship problems. Sokka had spoken to him about it. They sat by the turtle duck pond, throwing them seeds to eat every few moments.

“I didn’t know the Kyoshi Warriors were polyamorous,” said Sokka. “Suki has more girlfriends then I’ve ever had in my life.”

Then he laughed but Zuko didn’t think it sounded very genuine. Zuko felt his skin prickle unpleasantly. It always happened whenever Sokka talked about Suki. Just thinking about them together made an ugly feeling boil in the pit of his stomach. He tried to ignore it, push it away. Anger had become a scary emotion he wanted to avoid. If he became angry it would mean regression to his old self, his worse self. Anger meant becoming like Ozai. Anger needed to be quenched.

“I’m trying so hard not to be jealous,” said Sokka. “If I’m jealous, it’ll push her away and I don’t want to lose her.

He could relate to that. He couldn’t let Sokka know how jealous he was of Suki and risk losing Sokka’s friendship. Seeing her lay her head on Sokka’s shoulder and Sokka put his arm around her was almost painful. Zuko was ashamed to admit that he secretly wanted them to break up.

Ever since his dream in Ba Sing Se, Zuko had personified his negative thoughts as an Azula-voiced blue dragon and his positive thoughts as an Iroh-voiced red dragon. Right now the blue dragon was in a complete temper tantrum. She already had so many girlfriends. All the Kyoshi Warriors, even Ty Lee. So many girlfriends and she still needed Sokka. It wasn’t fair. She was greedy.

Then the red dragon would say soothingly; there’s nothing greedy about love. Suki is a hero and a friend, not an enemy. Besides, if she’s happy to share her love with so many people, wouldn’t she be happy for Sokka to also share his love with you, Zuko? All you need to do is ask.

No, she’d probably be a hypocrite and keep him to herself, the blue dragon snarled. And asking Sokka out would destroy the years of friendship. You’d be too uncomfortable to ever interact with him again. And just because Suki is polyamorous, doesn’t mean Sokka is too. They’re old-fashioned, the Water Tribe. Man gives woman betrothal necklace, man leads tribe and fights wars, woman has babies and keeps quiet.

You know they’ve started to dismantle their sexist traditions, just like the Fire Nation have begun to dismantle their tyrannical traditions, said the Red Dragon. They’ve made progress like we have. Katara even made a betrothal necklace for Aang. It was unheard of for a woman to create a betrothal necklace and although the Water Tribe were shocked by it, it was accepted. They are becoming a much more progressive and accepting people. Sokka having a girlfriend and a boyfriend although would be shocking at first, will also be accepted.

That’s what you say, said Blue Dragon. More likely they’ll be disgusted. You’re too optimistic.

“I don’t know why I’m not happy,” said Sokka quietly, breaking him from his thoughts. “The war’s over, we’re in peacetime.”

“Uncle says it’s normal for us to feel traumatized by everything we went through,” Zuko replied. Sokka nodded.

“Suki did help me learn that I was probably bisexual like her,” said Sokka. “I never realized it was an option! I thought you either gay or straight.”

The fire nation had lifted Sozin’s ban on same-sex relationships and passed a law allowing gay marriage. It had triggered an epiphany in him and Mai.

“I think I dated you because that was what was expected of me,” Mai told him. “I always do what I’m told. Keep quiet, don’t make a fuss, marry well and have kids. I repress everything and I think I might be repressing my sexuality as well.”

“I think I’m exactly the same, just doing what I’m expected as a prince,” Zuko replied. “I got back with you after the war because I do genuinely love you. But I think I mistook loving a girl’s company as being in love with her.”

“Me too,” said Mai. “You were the only boy I liked talking to, so I confused that with love.”

Then she nudged him with her knee.

“You broke up with me last time, so it’s my turn now,” she said and Zuko smiled.

“Yes, that’s only fair,” he replied.

It’s very rare for people to find their soul mate on the first go as young kids. Not everyone was like Aang and Katara. Mai and he cracked sarcastic jokes, saying that being in a relationship with each other had turned them off heterosexuality for good. Soon after they’d both come out as gay, Mai entered a relationship with Ty Lee. Zuko didn’t date. He harbored his secret crush on Sokka in silence.

Growing up, he’d always felt that his father hated him because he could just sense something unnatural about him. Zuko knew there was something that set him apart from the other children. He just didn’t know what it was.

Turns out it wasn’t unnatural at all and he wasn’t the only one. Suki and Sokka were bisexual, Ty Lee and Toph were pansexual (“I literally can’t tell the difference between anyone,” said Toph waving her hand in front of her eyes,) and Mai and he were gay. He wasn’t alone at all. Far from it.

“Lost in thought again?” said Sokka and Zuko smiled.

“Do you think,” he asked carefully, like he was walking a tightrope. “You could be polyamorous too?”

Sokka considered that. Zuko tried not to look too hopeful.

“I don’t know,” he said. “When I met Yue, I still had feelings for Suki. Suki and I weren’t together then, we’d just kissed. I still love Yue now. Does that count though? I don’t know. But if I can love both of them, maybe I could love more people.”

Yes, maybe, the Red Dragon said. Maybe he can love you, Zuko.

I don’t know about that, the Blue Dragon taunted. You are pretty unlovable, especially to him. You harassed him and his family for a good part of a year.

He was forgiven for that, said the Red Dragon.

Was he though? said the Blue Dragon. They’re probably just pretending and secretly they still despise you.

“I wish I knew what you were thinking about,” Sokka said.

“I wish I could give better advice,” Zuko replied. Sokka just shrugged.

“It’s good enough you’re here to listen,” he replied. “If I told Katara she’d be hammering me with solutions and wouldn’t get off my back until I did something. It’s good to just vent sometimes, y’know?”

Zuko nodded.

“Glad to be of service,” he replied.

Zuko drifted back from his memories, his head stuffed under his pillow. He’d started to cry again. It felt good, like draining the poison away through his tears. His chest didn’t feel so tight and heavy anymore.

Poor Zuzu, said the Blue Dragon. Alone in a sea of couples. No one wants him. If anyone ever did, he’d be too cowardly to even start a relationship with them.

Red Dragon didn’t say a word.

There was a knock on his door and he looked up from his pillow, wiping at his eyes.

“Y-yes?” he called out uncertainly. The door opened. Of course, who else could it be? It just had to be Sokka, all broad-shouldered and sweet-smiled in his doorway.

“So this is where you’re hiding?” he said teasingly.

Zuko was suddenly uncomfortably reminded of the dreams he’d have through his teenage years. He’d always wake from them feeling deeply disturbed. In the dreams, a man, face shrouded in shadows with a gloriously masculine body rippling with muscles would enter his bedroom. Zuko’s body would have changed. Now his hips were subtly curved, his chest just slightly swollen and between his legs…

The man would climb into his bed, taking his ankle and pulling him down the mattress, opening up his thighs damp with fluid. His fingers probing inside his hot wet heat. Then he’d press something larger against his inner lips, sliding into him.

The man would tell him he was pretty as he pushed deep right into his core. His big hands gripping his curved hips, pushing and pushing until hot slick ran down his thighs and his belly felt full of boiling water, blood like streams of lava.

He’d wake up breathing out little sparks that’d left scorch marks on his pillow. At first he’d have to check the flat angular planes of his body to make sure he was back to normal again. Then a deep feeling of shame would crash through him. What was wrong with him, having dreams like that?

In hindsight he thinks his mind conjured up such a strange image because he didn’t know how homosexual sex worked and just dreamt about what he did know instead. The Fire Nation didn’t exactly have a manual on gay intimacy lying around. All he knew was what other giggling kids had shown him in secret art books they’d swiped from under their parents’ beds.

He shifted uncomfortably as Sokka sat down on his bed, the mattress dipping. He was there in his room. Just like the dreams of faceless, masculine men.

“This isn’t really your thing is it?’ said Sokka. “You’re not really a party animal, are you?”

“It was Uncle’s idea,” said Zuko, not making eye-contact. “I didn’t want a party but he insisted. I don’t want to argue with him, not after everything I’ve put him through. So I just went along with him.”

“How would you rather spend your twenty-first then?”

There was something strange in his voice, something low and suggestive.

“I don’t know,” he replied with a shrug. The Blue Dragon whispered; you don’t deserve anything.

“No, really,” said Sokka in that same strange way. “What’s a perfect way to celebrate for you? I can help, y’know…”

Zuko finally looked up at him. His blue eyes were dark, pupils blown, the slightest smile on his face that looked hungry. Fire burned in his stomach, a flush rising to his cheeks. Yes, Zuko admitted he was pretty socially awkward but even he recognized he was being flirted with. Sokka saw the expression on his face and his smile faltered.

“I’m not misreading all of this am I?” he said, voice suddenly full of nerves. “I thought we had some sexy tension going on but maybe I’m just a horny idiot? Oh bison shit I’m so sorry…”

Zuko put a hand on the other man’s wrist. The contact made their skin spark with heat.

“No, no,” he said. “I’m a horny idiot too…”

Sokka’s face relaxed into a grin. He reached over, his big rough hands sliding into the black silky waves of hair. Then he leaned forward and their mouths connected. Zuko’s mind went blank. No more whispering, twisting dragons, both struck silent. It was a careful, chaste kiss, testing the waters, just a hint of tongue. Still it made his skin feel ablaze with fire. His breath tasted of mint.

“Suki told me to drink peppermint tea,” said Sokka when they broke away, “To get rid of my nasty meat breath.”

“So she’s alright with all of this?” whispered Zuko. Sokka was playing with his hair and it was comforting, making him feel boneless and relaxed.

“She thinks we look cute together,” he replied. “She doesn’t know why I didn’t make a move sooner.”

Zuko smiled, turning his head into the other man’s palm.

He felt massively relieved. He’d never been one to lead in romantic affairs. Mai and Jin had both been the ones to ask him out. If it had been up to him, he’d have just sat and stewed in his feelings for Sokka forever.

And it was such a gentle seduction. He felt like a spoiled cat being pampered.

He was laid across his bed and Sokka set himself down on top of him.

“You’re so pretty,” he said with a big dumb sappy expression. Zuko felt his face flush. Memories of the dream flashed in his mind, being told he was pretty as he was penetrated.

“I’ve…I’ve never…” he murmured. “Mai and I kissed but didn’t do much else.”

A look of surprise crossed the other man’s face.

“That’s alright,” he said with a silly sleazy smile. “Let Sokka, god of sex look after you…”

“I’m…I’m not sure if I’m ready…”

“That’s cool, that’s cool,” said Sokka and gently pressed his lips to the scar tissue beneath his eye. “Can I just kiss you stupid then?”

He nodded, feeling his blood simmer. His stubbly beard was scratchy against his skin. Then Sokka jumped slightly. Zuko had breathed out tiny sparks of fire without meaning to.

“That’s a good sign isn’t it?” Sokka said with a grin and Zuko just wordlessly nodded. Their lips connected again, Sokka’s tongue swiping against his own

“What cutesy name should I call you?” Sokka whispered against his lips. “Zuki? No that sounds like Suki I’d get mixed up. Zuzu?”

“Ugh no, that’s what Azula called me,” said Zuko, cringing. Sokka brushed his lips underneath Zuko’s eyebrow.

“I deeply apologize for even suggesting it,” he said. “What about Koko? Like coco, it’s hot and sweet just like you.”

Zuko laughed.

“No-one’s ever called me sweet,” he said.

“But plenty of people have called you hot, then?” Sokka replied. “Should I be jealous?”

His weight on top of him was wonderful, relaxing him right down to his bones. He’d never felt so comforted.

He could just lie in bed with him forever. Cuddling with him was like being wrapped up in the warmest of blankets. He loved the smell of his skin, loved the feeling of his arms around him and his breath on his neck.

It wasn’t such a bad twenty-first birthday after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if it's badly written, I just finished re-watching the show on netflix and had to get this out.


End file.
